I have always thought, even though S & K are two very young children, very small indeed, but everyday, they live fully.
Everyday, they live as two torches that burn with all their might, no reserving, no doubting, no worrying, no fear for tomorrow. They burn all they have, they live to the fullest. They live in the moment, they laugh and cry to their hearts' content. They offer love without hesitation, they enjoy everything fully, the joy in their eyes and faces are constant, and there is no holding back.
I watch them, and you know what, I want to live like that.
I want to live my life to the fullest. I want to be be burning. I want no holding back. I want no reservation, no worries and no fear. I want to love with no hesitation.
For why haven't I done so already? Has not Christ given me the second chance I need to really live? Has he not said do not worry about tomorrow? Should I not be burning my life for Him?
Funny how God had to give me twins to teach me something. Simple things that are too simple, I fail to see them. Such as I had been asking many many days, what should I be doing for the Lord when I am raising my children? What should I be doing? What can I do?
One day the answer came while I was preparing breakfast for the little ones, it was so simple I almost laughed, but at the same time I was disturbed that it took me that long to figure out the answer. It is very simple. This is a very busy season of my life, but it is also the perfect season for me to, learn His words. Is it not? I have never gone through any Bible foundation class ever since I became a believer, and I keep telling myself, I will study all the Lord's words one day. But when is that one day? Is now not the perfect time? Do I not have time to myself? If I do not know His word, do I really know Him? If I do not know Him, how can I tell the others about Him? How can I tell someone about how to build a house if I build my house on the sand? Most importantly, how can I teach my children about Him if I myself do not know anything about the Word? It is all too simple, yet it took me long time to see the answer. I am amazed at His patience with me.
I have learned many lessons through my little ones since I became a mother. I think I have matured more and quicker in motherhood compared to before.
One day I was praying before lunch, quite weary of the children's quarrels and misbehaving, I prayed on behalf of the children,"Dear Jesus, please help us to be loving and gentle to each others. Please help us to be nice, and NO SCREAMING." While I was praying I selfishly emphasized the last part as a reminder to the children who were listening. I was quite proud of myself using prayer time as teaching time as well, but the good feeling did not last long. As soon as I finished praying, conviction came swiftly and fiercely,"How about you? how about yourself? Are you being loving and gentle to your children? Are you being nice? Are you not screaming?" It hit me right on my head, I could feel my pulse quickened and cheek getting red. Is it not true? I had not been loving, I had not been gentle, and I certainly had been screaming too much at them. The Holy Spirit is sharper than a two-edge sword. I immediately started praying again,"Dear Jesus, please help me to be loving and gentle to my children, and help me to not be screaming!"
Small, but mighty, are the lessons God teach me through my children. And I am most grateful, for the things He has taught me since I became a mother. He is faithful, and he is very very patient and full of mercies. Through my children He pour out His sweet sweet grace, small dosage, but mighty. I believe He has many many lessons prepared for me, and I can only say, yes Lord, teach me and show me. Be patient with my stubbornness and slow understanding, but teach nonetheless. Teach me through these little ones. Teach me to live like them, teach me to burn like them, teach me to love like them. Teach me.